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A good marriage counselor will force you to do this by finding those areas and poking at them a bit, but you should make an effort on your own to address issues that you know exist. In my view, much less of your engagement should be spent planning the wedding than preparing for marriage, but obviously you will spend some time talking about this. A wedding is not primarily about the two people getting married.

In addition to possibly working through some of those issues early on, the exercise will enhance your communication skills. It is not primarily the bride's special day (though it will unquestionably be a special day for her), and it is not primarily the groom's rite of passage into Christian manhood (though in some ways it is that as well).

In other words, it's unwise — and probably in sinful violation of some of the other principles we've discussed — to have a three-year engagement or an inappropriate relationship because the logistics of getting married aren't perfect.

If the logistics are so bad (or so important to you) that you feel you just can't get married in the near future, then take a hard look at whether you should be in a relationship.

If that happens, the next step is for the guy to go through that sweep the woman he loves off her feet.

Assuming this "cardinal rule of engagement," let's look at some God-honoring, useful ways to spend this unique time.

The wedding day is just like every other day in the Christian life — it is primarily about God.

A wedding is a worship service in which two people happen to get married. At the end of the regular Sunday morning service, the two people getting married would either come down to the front of the church or simply stand where they were and take their vows.

What do you think your ministry will be, or what is it now as the Lord has placed you?

Will you be able, generally speaking, to serve God better together than apart?