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Online today

Many online daters have been the victims of an affair in a prior relationship and are anxious to avoid another one…at least consciously.

Paradoxically however, the symptoms associated with this anxiety may eventually manifest in more infidelity.

For example, I’ve found that most of the people on dating sites, particularly those over 40, have suffered at least one relationship trauma in their lives prior to joining, which if not processed, has most likely hampered their ability to sustain a healthy long-term relationship.

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While the paradoxical issue I’ve raised about online dating may certainly apply to other forms of dating, the time and effort, as well as the emotional and financial expense required to online date renders the paradox all the more intriguing.

Despite the downside, I believe that online dating is a practical, even necessary relationship vehicle for our fast paced planet.

But we still have a lot to learn about it…and ourselves.

And of course there’s the oldie but goodie: “I’ll beat her to the punch and cheat on her before she cheats on me.” Death A second type of trauma is the death of a spouse.

Many online daters who’ve experienced this tragedy may long for a new love, but paradoxically replicate their loss by not giving someone new a chance to fill a void.