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If you only knew then what you know now, you wouldn't have had a first date, sound familiar?

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“I like to say to my clients, ‘Get out of your head and pay attention to the sensual side of life.’” Savor meals while sitting down with your kids, suggests Wiley, not standing up; don’t wait for a special occasion to buy flow­ers; listen to music you love instead of the news; play with your kids. But one local mom offers a word of caution about consulting married friends.All of this self-affirming stuff helps get you ready for that next step: sticking a toe into that great chilly ocean of single-parent dating. If you’re like most people, you’ll begin with a survey of your friends. “Some of the craziest advice I got right out of the gate was from my married friends,” says Veronica, a Mercer Island mother of one. Your life has become dramatically different, and most married friends can’t understand how it’s changed.Your fiscal backbone has utterly changed.” Veronica says she felt pressure to just choose someone and settle down.“My friends would say, ‘Maybe you’re being too picky!Imagine: You’re seated at a table, sipping water, your palms sweaty. And they are acutely, often bitterly, aware of the horrible cost of getting it wrong.

That’s why many single parents join the ranks of the millions who meet people from the comfort of their own computer.

“Divorce is the death of a relationship, and the death of dreams and expectations; you have to start over.

I think one needs to be separated and divorced for the better part of a year and do this work.

You tamp down your inner turmoil: deep breath; you look great!

Whether you’re pushing 30, 40 or 50 — with a baby or with a couple of slouchy teens — that “suddenly single” status can feel like a gift. In the same year, in Seattle, there were nearly a quarter-million single-parent households, and you can bet that number has grown. That’s plenty of time to bail out lingering bad divorce feelings, steer the kids back on track, get your sea legs and go. Experts say the answer lies in this irony: You’re really ready to date when you don’t really need to date.