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Some practiced daters have a standard letter they send to every single person they find even mildly attractive.Someone who truly wants to get to know you will take the time to write a personalized message responding to specific items in your profile, not send a generic cut-and-paste letter saying, “Hey girl, I saw your profile and was intrigued …” Think about the hundreds of other people who’ve gotten the same letter, and decide whether you’re willing to accept only the barest minimum of effort.

It’s okay to state some basic requirements, such as whether you’re willing to date someone who smokes or who has children.

What’s not okay is to expect potential suitors to conform to a long list of demands.

If you see a profile that specifies a required height/weight, salary, or supermodel looks, or includes domineering phrases like “I need …” or “I won’t tolerate …,” consider whether you could ever live up to this person’s impossible standards.

He might just be nervous, but he could also be someone other than who he says he is.

I exchanged phone numbers with a guy, and when he called me to set up a date, he was drunk,” says Lindsay.