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You’d recognise that not being over your ex, in whatever guise it takes, means still emotionally tied, whether it’s positively or negatively.It means that you might still be in touch with them, a reunion may still be under negotiation, and that you may be putting a lot of effort in to not making contact or swatting off their efforts.Being empathetic means recognising that they’re hurting but may be finding it hard to deal with it.There may have been no ill intention and that they were and are interested in you, it’s just they overestimated how ‘ready’ they are for a relationship.They lament over the guys that they say are stuck in childhood, not taking responsibility for their lives.They complain about the men they call "nice guy, push-over" types, who don't stir passionate feelings. Personally, I would like to offer an alternative hypothesis—one where women have been put in a very unfulfilling double-bind.It’s either that they said they’re not over their ex, so you decide their actions say otherwise, or you see they’re not over their ex, but decide that they’ve said different – either way, nothing matches.You’d say stuff like “Well if I wasn’t over my ex then I’d leave” or “If I wasn’t over my ex, I wouldn’t get involved with someone else” and then reason that ipso facto, they haven’t left and they did get involved with you, so they must be over their ex.

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You may even recognise that when you’re keen to avoid the hurt, it can feel oh so tempting to attach yourself to someone in the hope that they’ll distract, numb, or even excite, but you know that what they don’t do, is fix your breakup for you.

When someone shares a piece of information with you that’s critical to the status or perception of your relationship, such as “I’m not over my ex”, first ask yourself what it means about them/your perception of them, and then ask what it means about the future of your relationship/the potential you had in mind.

This then helps to form action points or the basis for asking important questions to clarify their position, which then can help you make healthy decisions in reality.

In this day and age, however, they can sometimes seem impossible.

Particularly, women I speak to say that they can't find a good man.