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Why do I alternate between playing the damsel and the playing the demanding entitled a**hole? Out here, at a bar or restaurant, I work really hard to make sure that you know we are equals participating in a traditionally unequal transaction.You don’t order my wine and we split the check because we are peers. I have a job, you have a job, we’re all on a budget, and I did eat most of the sweet potato fries!

But every day, when I log into the dating site of my choice, I play the passive role, the receiver of attention, the awaiter of messages.

You will try to split it, but he will pay, and you will stand to re-wrap yourself against the frigid wind.

You will part ways, and you will probably, almost certainly, begin again the next day with another “Hey there…” message from the next contender.

I hypothesize that it will feel shitty to spend time on a nice note and to be ignored, but I don’t know, because I haven’t really tried.

I think it’s about time I try to understand my digital privilege. Emily Heist Moss is a New Englander in love with Chicago, where she works in a tech start-up.